Parents and their children have always had communication problems, but nothing like today.
As a teenager, I admit my parents and I had communication issues. It was mostly them wanting to talk with me and me being far more interested in listening to the latest Molly Hatchet or Ozzy Osbourne song. But at least when I turned the stereo off and they spoke, we had a common language. More or less.
Not so today.
I do not know what language teenagers are using today, but it is not English.
Rather, it may be English, but it’s in a secret code which not even the CIA has been able to crack. I give you the following example ripped from Facebook as typed by a teenager who thinks I am cool enough to be on their friends list.
“He wz shdh qwerty ma fleen.”
You are wondering what this teenager was stating. Me too. Just to see if I could make sense of any of this, I decided to look up each word with the ultimate source of knowledge, Google.
He. You would THINK this is a pronoun, being a noun which has lost its
amateur standing. Not at all. It is Hurricane Electric internet services. I do not know if this is the 9 year old young lady nicknamed Hurricane or Mother Nature’s urban renewal effort as seen in South Florida, New England and Louisiana.
Wz.This can either be Wicklander-Zulawski & Associates or an anti-tank round. Considering the definition of He, I think it could be either one.
Since this is a teenager post, I’m leaning toward the Wicklander as that fits more with an internet service provider.
SHDH. According to Acronym Finder, this is Stichting Hervormde Diakonale Huizen. That’s Dutch for Presbyterian Homes Foundation Missionary. Another explanation is SuperHappyDevHouse. I would say go with SuperHappy, but as
this is a teenager’s post and teenagers are never super happy and always super surly and depressed, I’m drawing a blank.
Qwerty. On a standard keyboard, this is the first line of letters from upper left, or so I thought. In what stunned me more than anything else, Google said I was right. I now doubt the omniscience of Google.
Ma. In addition to being the Postal abbreviation for Massachusetts, it also means Master of Arts and marijuana anonymous. As this is a teenager’s post and the typical teenager’s lack of knowledge of geography is only exceeded by an inability to spell correctly, I must assume this is a typo or again Google has failed me.
Fleen. According to Fleen.org, it is “art generative algorithmic animation shape grammar kisrhombille.”
Yes, well. That’s about as clear as mud. I understand everything up to the word “art.” Now, I am just as confused as before but worried because the word “algorithmic” also appears. Algorithmic has something to do with math which I firmly believe is a terrorist plot to melt my brain. The only saving grace is the word grammar, which the teenager under discussion probably
thinks is the parent once-removed. Think Grandma.
I now think teenagers have developed a secret language and Google, being run by adults, doesn’t have a clue either.