I was listening to one of the talk radio stations today and my interest was piqued with the topic of discussion, namely; splitting the U.S. in half, with all the liberals on the left side and all the conservatives on the right.
Of course, there would have to be a fifty/fifty split between the left and the right in all that we, as a nation, possess.
The right would get‚the Marine Corps; the left could have the Peace Corps. Since the left condemns any sort of firearm, the right would take all the guns.
The left could have all the spotted owls; the right could have the American eagle.
The left would be given carte blanche permission to negotiate, group hug or otherwise fraternize with Hugo Chavez, whats his name president of Iran, Reverends Jackson, Sharpton, Wright and the Koran.
The right would have the same privileges with Hannity, O'Reilly, Limbaugh and the Holy Bible.
The left could take with them a group of celebrities, namely: Sean Penn, Barbara Streisand, Robert Redford, William Ayers, Harry Belafonte, Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins, Bon Jovi, Martin Sheen, Leonardo "LearJet" DiCaprio, Ted Turner, Ben Affleck and of course, Oprah, to name a few.
The right could take with them a group of celebrities, namely; Tom Selleck, John Wayne, Trace Adkins, Loretta Lynn, Carlos Beltran, Kelsey Grammar, Mel Gibson, Clint Eastwood, Dale Earnhardt, Jr., Brett Favre, Ric Flair, Richard Petty, Tom Clancy, Charlie Daniels (and most of his band) and of course, Larry the Cable Guy, to name a few.
The left could have all the gay, lesbian, unisex, S&M's, Dominatrixs'‚and Hermaphrodites, with the only restriction being that they stay within the city limits of San Francisco and be forced to run the abortion clinics.
The left could have nationalized medicine, nationalized healthcare, Headstart, Day care, Affirmative Action, Teacher Merit Pay (without TCT's---you teachers know that acronym), Carbon Tax, and free higher education for everyone, with the only requirement being that their side pay for all the freebies.
The right could have, Free Market Capitalism, NAFTA, no unions, merit pay for teachers with outstanding performance, higher education for everyone who exhibited (by SAT scores) the ability to compete with their peers and last but certainly not least, a stronger gun lobby so that the NRA is no longer needed.
The left could adopt Peter, Paul and Mary to sing their national anthem, 'Koombaya.'
The right could do the same with Lee Greenwood singing, 'Proud to be an American.'
The left could name their own national holidays, like, say, '9-11 day' with guest speakers such as Professor Ward Churchill.
Or maybe, 'Gay day,' in conjunction with 'Johnny has two mommies day.'‚You could have peachy, fuzzy entertainment from a group formerly known as the closet trio: Rosie, Melissa and Ellen.
The right could just keep the Holidays they have.
Oh, and lest I forget, the left can keep all its famous acronymic rebel groups, like, C.O.R.E., P.U.S.H., A.C.L.U., A.C.O.R.N., S.N.I.C.K., N.A.R.A.L., N.O.W., N.E.A., A.F.L., C.I.O., MoveOn.Org., Rainbow Coalition, GreenPeace, S.D.S., and the Weathermen Underground.
The right will stick with The Heritage Foundation.
I'll bet, my dear readers, you can think up a lot more things to give to the left and right.
But, here is the question I have been leading up to.
What if the Chinese sets aside its invincible smugness, and inscrutable past and decides to come out of the closet (militarily) and show its true jingoist, western hating, true super power self and comes our way for a big land grab to house its burgeoning billions?
Which side of the U.S. would you rather be hunkered down with, huh?
(Studdard is local attorney and regular columnist for the Fayette County News, Today in Peachtree City as well as other publications. His articles appear on Thursdays. He may be reached at studlaw2000@ yahoo.com)
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